Learn to make no plans
This was such a great weekend. The temperature was -15 below zero this morning. The kids and I laid in bed and did nothing for hours. We had breakfast at 11 am because It’s what we wanted to do….
After I was recently divorced, I felt that when I had my kids I had to spend every minute with them and entertain them all the time. I would have the entire weekend planned with activities and events. We would visit family, friends, go to a waterpark, MOA, shopping, etc… I was exhausted with planning events and taking them everywhere. My daughter finally said “ Can’t we just stay home” and I didn’t understand why she would want to stay home. It took me over a year to realize that my kids could care less about going places. They just wanted to spend time at home. They wanted to hang out, watch movies, play video games, have sleepovers, and destroy the living room with doritos. They wanted to sleepuntil 11 or stay up until midnight. They wanted to be comfortable and be a kid.
I am a planner and I LOVE to plan my day. I plan everything in my day.. .and this killed me to just have days where we didn’t plan anything or let the day plan itself. This was very hard for me because I had complete mom guilt from the divorce and I wanted them to enjoy all of our time together. I thought I needed to make up for the time that I was not with them. It took me along time to realize that my kids were the same kids as before my divorce… They wanted to be themselves, be comfortable, and didn’t need all the extras. So, I realized that I could go to the gym, I could clean the house, paint my bathroom, go for a walk with a friend, or just have leftovers for dinner. We didn’t need to have some extravagant weekend planned. And it also meant that I couldn’t plan every activity or weekend. I had to let them make choices and tell me what they wanted. This is a very hard thing for a planner..so hard.
And now I LOVE these days or weekends. Sometimes we skip activities or church just because I want too. Going out to eat is one of their favorite things to do together. At first, I thought it was nuts and a waste of money. However, I realized this was one thing that we all enjoyed to do together and it was uninterrupted. They couldn’t escape sitting with each other at a restaurant and we had to talk. Their other favorite activity is going to Target. Yes, my kids love to go to Target. They like to all go together and walk around…So on Fridays, I pick them up from school and we go to Starbucks and Target. Not to Zoo or a Waterpark, but Target..seriously Target.
I let my kids plan their day.. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like a house party and I do have some control, but I let them have friends over and spend time doing what they want. It is still hard for me at times. I come up with these great ideas, and they just don’t want to do them.