Making the decision...Should I get divorced?
How do you know? The million dollar question. How do you know if you should get divorced, how do you know what you should do? I have had numerous people ask me how I knew I should get divorced. I can not tell you what to do. I have had friends reach out to me that I have not talked to for years and ask for advice. I tell everyone the same story…It took years for me to admit to myself that I was not in love with my husband anymore after being married for 13 years and it took more time to tell anyone else. And this also included us going to counseling and trying other options. Yes, many will not understand this and everyone has their own views on divorce. It took me years to make the decision because I did not want to disrupt my kids lives and how would I live without seeing them everyday. I also knew that I was not happy. I am great person and a great mom, but I was very unhappy in my marriage. I was not even my own self anymore. I was stuck.
Everyone has their own reasons why they are contemplating a divorce. I did not tell anyone what I was going through except my counselor. I told my parents and family about it through email and my closest friends got a text. Probably not the best way to handle it, but we live and learn. I handled it this way because I did not have much support at the time. And I did not know how others would react.
If you are already goggling divorce or telling others, than you have probably made your decision. I knew what I wanted to do, but starting the process is incredibly painful. There are many conversations and decisions that I would have handled differently. This is a scary decision to make and no one has the right answer except you. I can not tell anyone what is right for them. I will not lie—the entire process sucks. There are so many things that I was not prepared for and had to learn first hand. I did not know anyone else that was divorced at the time, I did not have anyone that I could ask for advice, and I was certain that I was the only one going through this… even though the divorce rate is between 40-50%. I know it sounds like a pity party… haha.
Your head will be swarming for along time with unanswered questions. I wondered what people will think, will we lose our friends, will we be alone, will I meet someone else, will my family talk to me, will I be able to live on my own, will my kids be happy, etc. it all goes through your head over and over. After time, you will have answer to all of those questions. It takes a long time to sort through and process the entire decision. Honestly, your head will probably stop swarming in 3-5 years. I am not kidding.
If you are thinking about divorce or starting the divorce process, get support and ask for help. If you are in counseling, stick with it. Going to counseling once a week was a lifesaver for me. Find other friends or individuals that are going through the process and support each other. It will make the entire process a success. Talk to others that are divorced, research what you want, ask questions, and create a plan. If you have a friend or someone you can confide in, it will help with being able to vent your feelings, frustrations, and thoughts. I wish I would have been more open with my family and friends in the beginning to get their support and not hide that I wanted a divorce. Even if you can find one person to talk to through the process or making your decision, it will help so much.
Being able to talk to someone that has gone through a divorce can help you because they will be able to give you some support and answers to prepare yourself. They can also give you some insight on the entire process and preparing yourself financially and emotionally. All of these things are important to think about before you make a decision. And do not worry about what others will think. I think we all worry about that way too much and this is your decision.
And then find a stress reliever—because you will need it—exercise, have a drink (maybe two or three), go to a concert, but do what helps you keep your head from exploding.